All,  Thoughts

music of my memory

Isn’t it wonderful (and sometimes scary) how music can trigger the subconscious?

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At the beginning of 2017, I remember telling my mom, “This is going to be a year full of changes.”

And boy, was I right.

Simply put, my life is very different from what it was at the beginning of the year. New job, new school, new friends, new life. I would be lying if I said that didn’t change over the course of the year, because I sure as heck did.

But even with all of the change, there is something that has and will continue to intrigue me: memory.

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I have always kept a playlist of my favorite songs. As years went on, I continued to update that playlist and I was always able to listen to it comfortably. But after some events that happened this year, I found myself almost hating some of my favorite songs that I have loved for years.

I became so frustrated with myself! “Why can’t I enjoy music like I used to?” I asked myself. “What is wrong with me?”

I tried to reason with myself. “I’m just growing up,” I would think. “I must be outgrowing these songs. That’s all.”

But as I wondered more about it, I finally came to grips with the fact that it wasn’t the music that I hated. It was the memories that the music brought with it. Funny how the songs I couldn’t bear to listen to had painful memories attached to them…

Sometimes I think about what I would do if I could erase some of my memories…but then I remember that if it wasn’t for my memories, I would have nothing to learn from.

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I am still learning how to get past the pain and enjoy my favorite songs again. It’s not easy, but it’s possible.

Until next time,

Alexa

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