It was as if a tsunami of insecurity had ripped through my heart. “All of these feelings of inadequacy just suddenly came pouring out,” I told my friend. “I don’t know what’s going on.” I had just wrapped up my final year of university, and although I was satisfied with how I concluded my college career, I found myself wrestling with waves of anxiety. A whirlwind of thoughts swirled in my mind, all of which revolved around one question: Did I work hard enough?
I stared into the darkness of my room, crying silently because I didn’t want to wake anyone. It was after 1 a.m., and I couldn’t sleep. My heart was pounding so loud that I could hear my own pulse. A question had entered my mind, causing great, sudden distress: Who’s going to walk me down the aisle at my wedding?
I stared at my shaking hands. I had been preparing for this day for the last two years and I couldn’t afford to make too many mistakes. The white keys beneath my figures blurred as tears filled my eyes. I couldn’t believe I was about to cry in the middle of my piano final! (Which, by the way, I needed to pass in order to g r a d u a t e !) No, I thought. Not here, not now! “Alexa,” my professor said. “Is something wrong?” I didn’t want him to see that I was crying. But it was too late.
On my twenty-fourth birthday, my boyfriend asked me a simple question. "Do you feel any different now that you're twenty-four?"